An Unexpected Change in Life
Just when I thought my life was settled "Later in my Life", two big changes occur. My daughter came down with a fatal disease ALS, and died on Thursday morning, 4am, March 14, 2024. We did have a couple of years to prepare and say our good-byes, but following Christmas, it got difficult as she declined more quickly. I still cannot believe she is gone and it is difficult to hold back the tears and I must remind myself to keep breathing. It has been 2 years for the medical profession to discover what her medical problem was and finally last autumn they said it was ALS.
After the diagnoses the doctors said she would probably have 6 months and now that time has come last Thursday with the worst being the last 2 months and especially the last week. I had just visited my daughter on Friday March 8th and then again on March 13, just 12 hours before she died. That last visit was hard for me to see how quickly she was failing. It is hard to see your loved one die day by day in front of your eyes. I could see the whole family was struggling, especially her husband who had been a terrific care-giver all these months.
Now it was Monday and I was recalling in my mind so much of the last 4 days since her death. I woke on Thursday late and found lots of text messages from family members, including my grandkids, trying to get a hold of me. As a grandfather I do not wear my hearing aids to bed and usually dont go to bed until past midnight. I knew what the messages were likely about and quickly headed to the city, an hour and a half away.
When I got to the city, I was greeted with lots of long hugs, crying and weeping. Nothing needed to be said, our tears said everything. Only some of the immediate family was there, my daughter had died that morning and we were slowly gathering together. Her body had already been picked up by the time I had arrived and it seemed hours that none of us were able to talk much without losing control of our weeping. We all set there still in a daze of unbelief, even though we knew it was coming. This is one item you are never fully prepared for even though it is sadly anticipated.
The next day, Friday, we all went to the funeral home to make the arrangements. Kenny and I along with the four kids and their spouses were there. All the kids seemed to do better holding on to their tears than I had. I had to leave the room a couple of times, just could not believe my wonderful daughter was gone. My daughters two pastors were there and met us at the home afterwards to make more of the other arrangements and plans for visitation, funeral and burial in Lowry City. Both of their presence and demeanor were good and comforting to everyone. After meeting with the pastors there was nothing to do except go home and wait for next Tuesday when we would have the visitation at the church.
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ANOTHER Unexpected Change in Life
It was Monday, March 18 and like most other Mondays, I wake only to lay in bed, early in the morning, thinking about last week and what I need to do this week. It has been a good time to relax and think about many subjects before I get out of bed. One major and big difference, I am remembering my daughter who died last Thursday, March 14 at 4am.
On this Monday morning I was now thinking of tomorrow which would be visitation, and Wednesday the service at my daughters church with burial in Lowry City Missouri in the afternoon. Maybe after Wednesday the real healing will start for all of us.
It was now 9am and past time for me to get up and get my heart beating again with some coffee and wind my grandfather and wall clocks, done each Monday morning. I decided to do something different for breakfast and decided to punch a bigger hole in a split bagel, put it in a buttered pan then break an egg in the middle. After turning the bagels, I put some more butter in the pan and shredded cheese on top.
Just as I removed the bagels from the pan and started cooking another egg and slice of ham, I heard the phone ring. I quickly took the pan off the stove and turned to answer the phone. It was an out of state call but, did not identify anything else, and was not anyone in my phone contact directory. It was a lady who asked, is this Dick? That was a name I had not used for over 28 years since I moved to Truman Lake, so it was surely someone from my past. I said yes. Her response was this is Erika. Wow, that was not a name I had heard for so long, but often comes to mind.
After a long and breath-taking pause, I asked, Really? . . . Erika?, she said yes Erika. Trying to remember back at that moment, I have no idea what was going through my mind other then a great surprise and amazement when I responded with, . . . My Erika?. I knew no other Erika. Could this be the Erika who I lost 28 years ago, the Erika that left me such a broken man? The same Erika whose picture is still on my dresser stand and I look at each morning? The same Erika that I wrote several poems to, had one framed and sent to her 28 years ago entitled The First Day Away? The same Erika that another written poem is still hanging on my bedroom wall entitled The Last Day Away? The same Erika that has haunted my mind and broken heart for all these 28 years? The reason I left the city and moved to the lake to get away and be alone.
Not sure what I said next but, I must have said hello, how are you of something stupid like that, not knowing what else to say and trying to be cordial. I had wanted to find Erika again someday but it seemed impossible. I only know she got married and moved to Texas. Well hello, how have you been was my response? Another stupid response. There were many pauses, deep breathing, as both of us tried to collect our thoughts between breaths and questions.
She began telling me she had wanted to call me for a long time but did not think I would want to talk with her after all she had done to me. Her long time and lifetime girl friend had encouraged her to call me for some time now. She shared with me calling one time and when I answered she knew it was me by my voice, but nervous and worried she hung up.
Erika continued she had shared with her girlfriend about me and lots of Our Stories over 28 years. She said her girlfriend always laughed when she heard about the day I took Erika barefoot through a morning rain and a mud puddle. I remembered that story well. Erika was depressed that morning, sitting on her bed in her sisters home when I came over. I asked her to take off her shoes. Why, Erika asked? Just take them off and now take off your socks. Again, why, she asked? After taking her shoes and socks off I took her outside, holding her hand we started to run out in the street and through the mud puddles from the rain showers that morning.
Erika kept yelling at me, you are crazy, what are you doing? Over and over again, what are you doing, you are crazy. After several rounds around the street, she started laughing and I laughed with her, over and over again. Finally, we stopped in one puddle and I held her in my arms and asked, how do you feel now? Still laughing, she smiled at me, said she feels wonderful and kissed me over and over again. The depression had disappeared.
As we shared that story on the phone, she told me she was a different woman now and a more independent woman. I responded with I hope I was a part of that. Erika affirmed that I was, you definitely were.
We continued conversing about many remembrances and then Erika said she had worried if she called that maybe another woman would answer, she would not know what to do or say. She felt a good man like me surely had found a lady and married. Are you married? she asked. I responded with No. Have you ever married, she asked. No was the answer, meaning not since her. Erika wanted to know why after 28 years? My only response could be, none of them were you!
This is the opening page of my book 1994 Returns, A Memoir of a Lost Love
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